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Chapter 13 - The Solitude Of The Lake Sometimes, I feel the solitude of the lake in my very bones. Though the blue sky is so bright and beautiful, and water of the lake is so clear, still, a lake is always a lake. Not knowing when it began and when it will end, this lake has been lapping at its shores, under the sun, the moon, and the stars, for endless years ... Isn't this the solitude of the lake? This solitude of the lake, is it like mine? When I was born, I was probably lonely and helpless. Though I was breathing, it was in reality a rather lonely little life. At that time, perhaps there was only an ego. Nobody in this world knew me, and I did not know anybody in this world. That is a unique quality -solitude. At that moment of solitude, there was probably nothing in the world that came to occupy my mind. All I knew was that I was alive. Actually, it was just impossible to abandon or escape from the solitude which gripped me from the moment of birth. When in solitude, a person does well to overcome his ego, understand his ego, and learn the Buddha Nature. Why do people live their whole lives without understanding themselves? I guess that probably has to do with growing up. Growing up engenders fear and evasion. Growing up also leads one to separation from his Self-Nature, and turns one into a hypocrite. So, one becomes lost. One who loses solitude becomes lost. In these days of the lake, I feel the beauty as well as the solitude of the lake. Contemplating this solitude has clarified certain matters for me. I seem to go back to the moment of newly born-everything is so simple and pure. I start and live a totally new life, it is a rebirth. These days of the lake are possible because I left my home country and came far away to the West. I journey on a path of my own-a path not arranged by others, and of which I already have an intuitive grasp. After all these months and years, I keep on forging ahead, never harboring the thought of turning back. No longer a young man or a seeker, I have stopped searching all over for the Truth. What I found is Solitude. In these days of the lake, I meditate by its side. Though I am alone and lonely, my heart does not turn icy. Though in solitude, my consciousness is still warm and I don't feel myself becoming a dried-up log or a heap of dead ashes, or a frightful person. I simply love and embrace Solitude. I simply love and embrace Self-Nature. Now, I am a truly Awakened One.
In these days of the lake, I live a solitary life. I do not visit the city except for errands (Seattle is about a forty minute drive away). The lake is what I breathe in and also what I breathe out. A solitary house, a lamp, a desk, and a pen: with these I write down a big slice of Solitude. I have no status in this world. I am not a well-placed politician, nor am I a business tycoon. My artistic talent is slight. All I have learned and understood is the Buddha Dharma. My true Self loves only to embrace Solitude, in the absence of company and conversation. It seems like I am back in the time I was newly born. No one recognizes me and I do not recognize anyone. Shutting myself inside my room, I feel that every object in the world and every living being are moving far far away from me. I even feel strange when I see the three words LU SHENG YEN in large print on newspapers. I have become a solitary star in the universe, with only the lake to live with, and only the lake to converse with. All the events that have happened over the years, whether great or small, whether inside myself or outside myself, whether related to others or only myself, are unimportant. They even fail to stir up any feelings in me. It is like a painting of an ascetic sitting on top of a boulder by a lake, meditating, not thinking, with eyes closed, forever still. Sometimes I myself am rather surprised, surprised at my stillness. It seems that the lake is me and I am the lake, without much difference. Time can be stretched so that it is far, far away. This is a very ordinary, plain story, without any climax or anticlimax. The lake is very solitary. I am also very solitary. The moment the first ray of the morning sun hits the lake, I already understand. The moment the lonely darkness is shrouded under the black veil of the late night, I also understand. Where am I going? No need to search anymore! It doesn't matter what one does because everything in this world of Form is illusory. Tranquility is happiness. Solitude is happiness. What do I teach the people of this world? I only teach them to leave worries, angers, anxieties, and pains, and to find the true tranquility. Then, in tranquility, one is able to find the Self. The lake is very solitary. I am also very solitary.
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