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Chapter 2 - Years in the retreat hut A poem lingers in my mind:
I live in a huge forest, under the trees and between the river valleys. Below a steep cliff is a large grotto, which is home to a very tiny hut. A realm, which previously appeared in one of my deep mediations, has now become a reality before my eyes. Where are my family, children and disciples? I am all alone, living in the most remote corner of the earth where only the moonlight shines on the river valley. Firstly, I think back to the time of Shakyamuni Buddha. I think of all those dhuta 2 and ascetic practitioners, such as Shariputra, Maudgalyayana, Ananda and many others. They wore monk's robe made from various pieces of torn fabric. Holding a begging bowl, they survived on one meal a day. They walked barefoot and their homes were ancient graveyards, forest floor and grottos. I had only three lama robes in my little sling bag, which was all I carried with me when I waved farewell to my past. I said goodbye to everyone, my past nineteen years, worldly affairs, the land and everything that I have been so familiar with. It is as if I had gone back to the time of Shakyamuni Buddha, to become a dhuta practitioner. Am I Shariputra? Is Shariputra I? I wonder how long I will stay in retreat. Will it be 3, 5, 10, 20 years or will I live in this retreat hut forever? Will I dwell under the brilliance of the moonlight and never appear before the eyes of the human world? Do I need to return and teach dharma to all beings? While I was thinking, Indra Deva came down and told me, "Let nature take its course, go with the flow, and embrace whatever comes along. Rest your mind in peace". After that, he left and went back to heaven. I appreciated the wisdom from Indra Deva. I now fully understand the meaning of "Embrace whatever comes along and rest your mind in peace" My mind is calm and peaceful even though I have just left the crowd. When I think of family friendship and discipleship, my heart still flutters. However, I have firmly made up my mind, and rarely will someone be as determined as me. Once I have made my decision, it is unyielding and unshakable. I can live alone and be a recluse forever: no arrogance, no vanity, no fame and no wealth. In solitude I walk alone towards my future. I have come to realize the difference between "propagating dharma to save all beings" and "retreating in solitude" "Propagating dharma to save all beings" means facing the crowd. The crowd is an aggregate of various afflictions. In the crowd, latent danger is camouflaged. Walking into a crowd is like walking into a minefield that is riddled with dangers and obstacles. If one is aspired to propagate the dharma, then one should possess the wisdom of expounding the sublime dharma effortlessly. One should also be well versed in various skills and methods to help sentient beings. One's wisdom should be as vast as the sky and ocean, and as perfect as the Buddha. Then, one can teach all beings in the Three Realms. Even so, the sage, like Buddha, has to suffer many obstacles presented by the crowd. On the other hand, being a hermit and isolated is different because a hermit is one who had abandoned the crowd and now has the opportunity to observe own 'mind' continuously. I observe the activities of my own 'mind'. I abandoned the unsettling environment of the crowd and left the danger zones. I have now arrived at an infinite and boundless horizon. When one abides by the precept of the mind and annihilate meaningless thoughts, one's mind will become more concentrative and pure. The retreat life and behavior of a hermit is that of a dhuta practitioner. Life is simple and pure. Look at the mountains, oceans, trees and moonlight. A poem was written as a remembrance:
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